The Man with the Golden News Story

You know, with today's media deciding which stories to focus on, the truly important ones are often hidden behind loads of crap. I mean, who cares if the Vice President of the United States became the first VP to shoot a man since Aaron Burr capped Alexander Hamilton in 1804. Is that groundbreaking? There is clearly precedent for it. And it not like the 78 year old man, who Cheney shot in the face, died or anything when one of the pellets traveled to his heart and caused a heart attack, so Cheney's got nothing on Burr. And when was the last time you heard anyone bitching about Burr. Could it be because Burr was a Democrat? And the reasoning that everyone got so upset only because Cheney didn't tell anyone is also crap. When was the last time the Whitehouse told us anything about anything (lies don't count)? This clearly isn't anything new, and thus not newsworthy. The mere fact that we did find out about it means that the terrorists are laughing at us. Now maybe if the 78 year old shot-in-the-face man had died it might have been something. Then Cheney might have to be impeached for involuntary manslaughter. And even then, THAT would be a way to go out. None of this perjury crap. Manslaughter is the manly way to get impeached.

So it is my duty to wade through the unimportant and sift out what matters for the sake of my readership (both of you). Forsaking the US media and their "Cheney shot a 78 year old man in the face" obsession, I turn to the BBC to get this:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/4722848.stm


In case the article goes away (unlikely for the reasonable future) or that you are too lazy to go read it (extremely likely), I will let you know that what it says is that the new James Bond girl has been announced. It is French Actress Eva Green. Now THIS is something that matters. Because Bond girls, much unlike Cheney, are hot and thus people care about them. This announcement comes not far off the heels of the announcement of the next James Bond, British actor Daniel Craig. Even this story has much more controversy than Vice-Presidential "I shot a man in the face" coverup or secret NSA wiretappings. Did you know that this Daniel Craig guy is a blonde?!? James Bond most definitely has dark hair. I for one have mixed feelings about this. Bond has always been dark haired meaning that by casting this Craig guy they are messing with a cultural icon. But on the other hand, by casting a blonde they are setting a precedent that could eventually lead to my portraying of the super spy in subsequent films. This is somewhat important to me since Lucas failed to offer me the position of Anakin Skywalker in Episode II (however upon reading the horrible writing in the script I most like would have refused the part. I have my dignity). In the very least a blonde James Bond would make dressing as him at Halloween parties a much more viable option.