You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

Believe it or not, but I have never been on a blind date. The closest I have ever had was with Pilot Girl (I did go on an actual date with her after the party. Stop laughing) and that didn't go very well (I said stop laughing). But yet I somehow allowed myself to get roped into one by a lady in my bowling league. She has wanted me to meet a friend of hers and I finally emailed her today and agreed to meet her for coffee tomorrow after work.

I have learned from my quest to get a girlfriend (in which this blind date is a part) that I am really not very good at this. This date for instance has me really nervous. Its not that I really care what she (or anyone else) thinks about me. I really don't give a damn. I have noticed that when I am out with the guys and someone sees and points out an attractive woman, most people try to be very secretive about looking at her and do the best to hide their stares. I just look (Now I don't leer or anything that would cause her to reach for her mace, just look). I am sometimes scolded by my fellows who are trying to be subtle, but I don't really care. The way I see it, since my chances of "picking her up" or something are zero anyway I don't lose anything nor care if I get caught looking. And its not exactly a fear of rejection per se either. By not trying I am accepting the worst case result of a pickup attempt, walking away alone.

I have pondered this subject, and I think the analysis I came up with uses the same analogy that I am sure most people use...a Punnet Square. A pickup attempt, or a blind date, or any similar encounter has a few possible results. Either I like the girl (let's call this 'a') or I do not (lets call this 'A') and either she likes me ('b') or she does not ('B'). This results in for possible combinations: ab, Ab, aB, and AB. Now only case 'ab' (we both like each other) is pleasant. AB is clearly bad since neither one of us like the other and no one wants to be there. The only redeeming quality of this result is that if identified early enough it can be aborted before things get drawn out. Case 'aB' is the classic you get dumped scenario which depending on the extent of the lowercaseness of your 'a' can be quite painful. Some people may not have a problem with case 'Ab' since you don't like her anyway so the failed encounter is no skin off your back. But this is where my being too damn nice comes in and bites me in the ass. I hate hurting people. It makes me feel terrible. And what if the reason you don't like her isn't very good? What if you find her to be a wonderful person but just aren't attracted to her? This danger is reduced in the pick-up attempt over the blind date since you know what your target looks like before making the approach, but even then the danger is not negated. She could have a voice that grates you like nails on a chalkboard. Do you want to tell a girl that she is nearly perfect except that she sounds like the chick from The Nanny? Great, now you are shallow too. Asshole.

So 3 of the 4 results yield unpleasantness. Great, it will only not suck 25% of the time. And that is assuming that there is any equal probability of 'a' and 'A' and of 'b' and 'B.' If you took a random sampling of girls, I don't think that I would find 50% of them to be date-able. Not sure what the number would be, but its below that. And given that I don't find the majority of girls date-able, it would make sense that a majority of girls, who presumably have equally discriminating standards, would not find me date-able either. This assumption is reinforced by the fact that, expecting Pilot Girl (what did I say about the laughing?) women haven't exactly thrown themselves at me. This means that the actual success rate would be far below the rather optimistic 25%.

Even if you manage to find yourself in a 'ab' situation, you still have to fight through the awkwardness. That's probably the main reason I don't try to pick up random women. Its so freaking awkward. I mean, how do you approach some girl you don't know. What do you say? But wait, that's where the blind date comes in! The girl is already meeting you for coffee, so you don't have to approach her. Hazah! All is solved, right? Except for the fact that the reason approaching a girl was awkward, the fact that you have absolutely no clue what to say, is still there. Only now she has expectations. Great.

You know, if being considered socially handicap could get you those good parking spaces I'd be tempted to give up on the whole process and apply for a sticker. At least then I wouldn't have to walk as far. That's something.